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  • Writer's pictureTara Vaughan

Post Ayahuasca Experience

So, what I have learnt from Ayahuasca? Well it’s safe to say that I have learnt a hell of a lot, but I think the most important thing that I have learnt from this experience is that it is a privilege to partake in Ayahuasca ceremonies. I have found that Ayahuasca prepares us across time, the past, the present and the future. To me the present means to be here now and to feel that fully and I am now doing that, not all of the time I will admit, but I am now in the present far more than I have ever been.

I am finding the best way to describe how Ayahuasca has helped me is before I left for the jungle, earlier in the summer, I went to two family weddings. Both weddings I was severing with extreme anxiety and depression. To help me get through the first wedding, my elder brothers wedding, I smoked a joint and I also had Ziggy by my side.

The second wedding, my cousins, I unfortunately forgot my joint and couldn’t have Ziggy with me. As much as I tried to and as much as I wanted to I didn’t really enjoy either of the weddings. I couldn’t stand the small talk and I latched on to a couple of close friends or family members to help make me feel safer but there wasn’t really any escape. And then there was the dancing, which at previous weddings you could not get me off the dance floor, at these two weddings, I had to be dragged on, almost kicking and screaming.

I go to the jungle, arrive back in the UK on a Friday and I’m off to a wedding the next day. I drive myself there and I manage all the small talk with a smile on my face. When I sat down for dinner I was surrounded by people that I didn’t know, I was a little nervous of this but I didn’t mind and I got through it. And I danced. Not once and not because I was dragged onto the dance floor but because I wanted to and it felt right, my body wanted to move.

I have now moved into my own place. I have some freedom back in my life. I don’t feel as if my parents are watching my every move. I’m waking up more easily, sometimes even before my alarm goes off – which was unheard of in the past. My insomnia has calmed down, almost gone even. I’m trying new foods that to anyone who knows me personally, is unheard off – I was an extremely fussy eater – and now I’m curious about trying new foods, I tried a curry for the first time in my life the week after I got home and there was no pulling faces, no retching, I just ate it. My fight of the past year to eat foods and keep them down has changed, I no longer want to starve myself and I have now realise that I was doing it to punish myself, my mother and Hugo to, not that they knew.

We all have our problems that we are dealing with. It’s not about what stage we’re at in life, it’s about helping each other to deal with whatever demons we’re facing. It doesn’t matter if you’re old or young, experienced or inexperienced, what bonds us together is the fact that life is a struggle. Life is hardship. And my hardship has become slightly easier with the help of Mother Ayahuasca. So whether you’re looking for healing, enlightenment, epiphany, or just plain curious about Ayahuasca I would highly recommend it to everyone and anyone, not only to those who have suffered traumas in their life or have mental ill health or are addicts but also to those who just want a cleansing or an understanding of life or those that have problems that they are struggling to deal with. I would, however, never recommend for someone to try Ayahuasca just to get the DMT high. As incredible as some of my highs were, I was in a safe environment and I was learning from them. It was an eye-opening, spiritual awakening and going for the ‘high’ is not what this experience is about. Some people don’t even get a ‘high’ or have ‘visions’. Ben had one ‘high’ out of the six ceremonies and it wasn’t enjoyable for him and Martim didn’t have one. Both have come away saying that they received what they needed. Each Ayahuasca experience is unique for every individual. Often, you’ll come home with a better understanding of yourself.

You don’t actually have to take the Ayahuasca to receive healing from a Shaman. It is only in the last 20 years that Westerns have started to take Ayahuasca and that is purely out of curiosity, a Shaman can do their work just as well without us even taking Ayahuasca. We Westerns are curious and take it to submerge in the experience.

As time has passed I feel like I’m slowly returning to myself. I had some amazing takeaways, and now the time has come to put these lessons in action.

I have come home with a determination and a drive like I have never had before, however, I have realised and been told, that I can’t do everything straight away because I have been through such a big change I need to take things slowly and gradually. I have been told that the healing can continue for up to three months, so I still have more to look forward to which I am excited about. I’m ready to take the lessons I’ve learned from Mother Ayahuasca, implement them into my life, and put one foot in front of the other as I become the best version of myself that I can possibly be.

I read that once you take Ayahuasca she will always be a part of your life, that she will always be with you, a part of your consciousness and that you are always in communication with her. Once you open that door, it is always open. So thank you Mother Ayahuasca, for you have given me the key to open up and I guess my new life has begun…

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